yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
