She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize