dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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