I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
