I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
