Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
