rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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