I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
