Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
