ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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