Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
