An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
