Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
