why do cheetos always look like penises
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
