Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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