We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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