This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize