im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
