I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize