I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize