i think i have herpe
just one?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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