My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize