I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
