tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
