dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
