i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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