what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
