On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
