I'm sorry my penis didn't work
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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