I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
