so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
