I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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