Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
