i think i have two assholes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
