this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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