If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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