you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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