Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
