how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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