I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We have started to decorate penises.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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