Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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