She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
