Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
