i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
