Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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