So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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