there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Randomize
