Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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