wanna go halves on a baby?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
