It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
