soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
