you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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