We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
