going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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