the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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