Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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