Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize