This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
