I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
