You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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