Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
