idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
