Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
