Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
