We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
