Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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