I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
