this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
