OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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