he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
