Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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