So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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