dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
