Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
