you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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