I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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