he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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