It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
