woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
