You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
