Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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