Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
