just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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