I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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