We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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