If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
