Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
