How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
