How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
