Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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