Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
