ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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