I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
