We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
