pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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