how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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