she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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