I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
