dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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