do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
