Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
