you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
