how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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