i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize