stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize