What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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