WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
