RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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